Sunday, April 1, 2018

Port of Sydney makes big move

The Port of Sydney, NS has indirectly enlisted federal government aid in developing a new container port. All levels of government had previously sworn off direct aid for what seemed an outlandish scheme.

But faced with the reality of Halifax and Melford as ice free and deepwater competitors, Sydney called in all its political markers and announced early this morning (April 1) that two significant projects will begin immediately.

1. The Canso Causeway will be removed, and replaced with a clear span bridge, 200 feet above seal level. The new automobile and train bridge, will allow 24/7/365 access on and off Cape Breton, without holding up traffic when ships go through the Canso Lock. It will allow double stack container trains, expected to be in the region of 15,000 feet long, to run at 100 kph on an express service, non-stop from Sydney to Stellarton.
Questioned as to how this is justified, when only one 20,000 TEU container ship is expected every month, the minister of fisheries and oceans said the reason for the removal of the causeway and the installation of the bridge, is to allow the free passage for right whales to the lucrative snow crab fishery.
Not mentioned in the press release is the fact that with the Causeway gone, Melford will be jammed with ice from December to May.

2.   In view of rising sea levels, and the threat to tourism in downtown Halifax, the Canso Causeway will be relocated to the mouth of Halifax Harbour. It will stretch from Osborne Head to Peggy's Cove, thus creating Lac Trou d'Eau, the largest settling pond in North America, which should draw more tourists to Halifax, making up for the the loss of the cruise ship business. Peggy's Cove will be safer since there will no waves.
All container ship business will shift to Sydney where rising water levels will be considered a boon, by covering the tarponds with up to 50 feet of neutralizing salt water by the end of the century. Other Halifax shipping businesses, such as Autoport will be shut down anyway due to President Trumpet's 1000% duty on foreign cars, and alien gypsum, expected to take effect any moment now.

There has been no comment from officials at the ports of Halifax and Melford, probably because all the federal appointees will be offered relocation allowances and company housing in Cape Breton and seniority rights should they wish to join the new ILA local forming at Sydport.

A person claiming to speak for the Cape Breton Liberation Army could only be coaxed into saying , I tole ya we'd bring Down da Cahzway.


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